


With Unseeing Eyes

by writtenthroughtime



Series: WTT's Posts for ImagineClaireandJamie [20]
Category: Outlander & Related Fandoms, Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: Canon Divergence AU, F/M, Pre-Rent Party, Setting: Leoch, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-09
Updated: 2016-10-14
Packaged: 2018-08-14 02:29:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7995361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writtenthroughtime/pseuds/writtenthroughtime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt:<br/>What if someone had told Claire that Jamie was in love with her when she was first staying at Leoch?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Claire's View

_“Ye ken the lad has his eyes set on her?” One of the kitchen maids whispered to another._

_“Och, aye! Have ye seen him chasin’ her aboot with the lovesick look plastered to his face? I’ve heard Himself is no’ too pleased that his nephew is in love with a Sassenach.”_

_“Aye, yer right aboot that Kitty. I’s heard it from Mrs. MacNeill herself! She told me that he was having quite a row wi’ the Mistress MacKenzie o’re young Jamie’s interests and ultimate betrothal.”_

_“Nay! Are you sure sh–”_

I walked out of the kitchen, not wanting to listen to the kitchen maids prattle on any longer. I’d seen Kitty and the other kitchen maid eyeing me conspicuously, but could only pick up a word here and there of their rapid Gaelic speech. The words I _had_ understood left me feeling more of an outsider than before. From their tones—and the few words I could decipher—I could tell something wasn’t quite right.

A _row_ between Colum and Jamie, perhaps? Someone angry about something, or annoyed maybe. And, of course, _Sassenach_ ….and God knew I was the only one of those about the place....Jamie was cross with me.

Why did my heart sink _so_ deep at the thought of Jamie being cross with me? Had I done something to warrant him to not want our friendship? I felt tears begin to sting at the corner of my eyes. I hastily brushed them away, and turned to the tidy cupboard of herbs. I pulled the vials out one by one, and began my task or relabeling and reorganizing based on the need of each herb. I couldn’t stop thinking of Jamie and this Sassenach. I had a feeling I couldn’t shake that it was me, that reason he had avoided me for the last three days had something to do with what those women were speaking about.

“Mistress?”

Startled, I dropped a vial of rosemary leaves, the glass shattering around my feet. My hand came up to my heart, willing it to calm down.

“Oh! I’m sae sorry Mistress Beauchamp! I didna mean to give ye a fright.” The young lad bent before me to sweep up the shards

“No! It’s alright, I’ll clean this up later. Did you need me for something?”

“Aye, Mistress. Old Alec has sent me to fetch ye. Says there’s been an incident at the barns that needs yer tendin’ to.” The boy gave a gap-toothed grin, proud of himself for delivering his message.

“Alright,” I nodded. “Do you know what sort of incident and what I may need to treat it?”

“Och, nay. Sorry, Mistress. All’s he said was to fetch ye.”

I smiled at the boy and nodded. “Alright then, let me grab a few things and I’ll be right there. You can run ahead of me if you like to let them know I’m on my way.”

“Aye Mistress!” The boy ran from the surgery a smile plastered to his face. I couldn’t help but smile as I followed along shortly after.

Old Alec was waiting for me at the entrance to the stables, his hand clutched to his chest. “Bout time ye decided to show up!” he called out to me.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t sure what I would find so I took the time to assemble a range of supplies. Is it your hand that has been injured?” I said, setting down my basket.

He nodded and held it out for me to inspect. He hissed through his teeth as I gently turned it from side to side. “Donas stepped on it. Out of _spite_ , I’d wager.The only time that horse is ever in a temperament other than feral is when the lad is wi’ him. Even then, it’s no guaranteed to be a _good_ temperament.”

I smiled at the mention of Jamie and his way with horses.

Alec quirked an eyebrow at me. “The horse isna the only one whose demeanor changes with young Jamie, now, is he?”

“I’m not sure I take your meaning,” I said, briskly. Before he had a chance to contradict this blatant lie, I warned, “This is going to hurt, but I need to see which bones, if any, are broken.”

He let out a grunt of discomfort when I ran my thumbs over each delicate bone.

“Are ye sure ye dinna ken what I mean? The lad has his way wi’ ye as well, Mistress. I can see it in yer—agh! Christ woman!—eyes. Ye... _soften_ when he’s around.”

“I don’t,” I started to protest, but I found I didn’t have an argument to support myself. I had always felt myself relax in Jamie’s presence.

“It’s that look right there. Ye’re thinkin o’ him now.”

I blushed. “I am not!”

Alec hissed again as I popped a dislocated joint back into place. “Ye are, Mistress, and ye shouldna be embarrassed. The lad does the same for ye as well.”

I snorted and looked at him, eyes narrowing in skepticism.

“Ah ye’ll see. The lad is besotted wi’ ye. I canna get him to focus when ye’re around. Tha’s why I sent him on a wee bit of errands for the last few days. Get his mind off ye.” Alec’s eyes held a twinkle of mischief.

“I’m sure Mr. McTavish would disagree. He’s no more besotted with me than I am with him.”

Alec let out a hoot of laughter. “Och then he’s completely head o’re heels for ye, then!”

My cheeks burned as I finished tying off his bandages. “There. You’ll need to not use that hand for at least a week. Thankfully, you only broke the one bone in your finger and that will heal in time. I’ll come back next week to alter your splint so you can move most of your hand again. It’ll hurt for a while, and you’ll have a scar most likely from the cut, but you’ll live.”

“Aye, my thanks to ye Mistress. I’ll be sure to let the lad ken ye’ll be by soon,” he added with a knowing look.

I nodded curtly and left to make my way back to the castle, the sound of Old Alec’s laughter making my cheeks burn.

That evening I stared into the fire—nursing a glass of rhenish—thinking of what Alec had told me. I didn’t believe, and _still_ did not believe what he said.

“What is on your mind, Claire?” Mrs. Fitz asked coming to sit beside me. I gave her a smile.

“Nothing important, just a conversation I had with Old Alec this afternoon. I doubt it has any real merit and I’m not sure why I’m focusing so much on it.” The words tumbled from my mouth without any willful thought to do so.

“And what was the old buzzard saying? I can tell ye if it’s the truth or no.” She set a comforting hand on my arm.

I couldn’t stop myself, “He said that I was different when Jamie is around, and so is Jamie with me. That he was... _besotted_ with me. I know this can’t be true, and I—”

“What do ye mean it canna be true?” Mrs. Fitz interrupted. “I’ve known the lad since he was no but a boy, and I can assure ye, no other lass has captured his fancy like ye do. He’s more than besotted. I believe if there—well, if his situation was slightly different, he’d be asking ye to marry him the moment he walked through that door.” She nodded to the kitchen door that led in the direction of the stables.

I shook my head. “He doesn’t feel that way for me. Why would he? I’m a widow with no prospects for a dowry, and that’s not even to mention I’m English. There’s no reason for him to be besotted with me. Friends. That’s all we are, just...friends.”

She gave me a comforting smile. “That’s where ye are wrong, lass. The lad is in love wi’ ye, and I’d wager he was in love wi’ ye the moment ye met him.” She laughed. “Why ye should see the looks he gives ye when ye are no lookin’. Especially that first morning ye were here. I thought the lad would take another bullet just to keep ye safe in yer rooms, and the way he asked after ye time and again”

I smiled back, letting the strange feeling in my heart course through my veins. “You may be right, Mrs. Fitz...but he’s said nothing to me of such...fondness.”

“Och! He’s a man! He doesna ken how to express himself. Just watch, he’s only got eyes for ye, lass. Mark my words, he gets himself hurt purely so he might to see ye on a regular basis.”

With that, she patted my hand and went back to fussing with the maids in the kitchen.

I can’t let what she said go to my head.

He’s not in love with me.

We’re friends.

I’m **_married_**.

I tried to convince myself to no avail. The feeling I couldn’t name still burned even brighter even at the slightest bit of hope that Jamie felt that way for me.

I fell asleep that night with visions of a strong redheaded man curled up beside me, while a smaller redheaded child slept soundly in a trundle beside the bed.

The vision of the child stayed with me all morning. I couldn’t help but smile at the thought of such a gift. My stomach and heart fluttered, and I caught my hand drifting to my abdomen...the place where the child would have rested. An entire world filled my mind as I walked the castle gardens looking for the herbs needed to replace the ones needed in my surgery. I could hear Jamie laughing in the background with a small high pitched laugh of a child calling out as well. _‘Chase me daddy! Chase me!’_ I would call out to them and scoop the giggling child in my arms—a little girl in this version of events—then squeeze her tight, kissing everywhere while she struggled to get down. I would point at the different plants and have her help me gather them, so that one day she too could be a healer, or at the very least be able to tend to herself when injured or sick. Jamie would watch from the distance or come over and help, perhaps with another small child perched on his shoulders. My heart clenched at the thought. He would make a good father; a caring, loving, and wonderful father. I imagined him laying a hand on my arm to get my attention and kiss me. I would look down at Jamie’s hand resting on my arm, then coyly look up at him, resting my own hand—

The hand touching my arm was not a vision. It was real. I pulled away, breaking the contact from the hand on my arm.

“Sassenach, are ye alright?” Jamie asked, his voice laced with concern. I looked up to see his brow furrowed and his eyes searching in question.

“Ye-yes I’m fine. Sorry, you gave me a fright.” I blushed. I had grabbed his hand so intimately before realizing it wasn’t a dream.

His smile reached his eyes, “Aye, I see that. I just came to—” he huffed out a breath, looking sheepish. “Honestly I came by just…to see ye.”

I smiled at him, unable to stop. “I’m glad you did.”

“Yes, well, Murtagh practically shoved me into ye a moment ago. Said we’d both go mad if I didna”

I laughed and teased him, “Miss me that much?”

His cheeks pinked and he didn’t answer. I felt my heart sink. I shouldn’t have joked with him.

“Och, ye ken well I missed ye. I had to have Murtagh fix my wounds while on the road, and he’s no as pretty or gentle as yerself.”

“Oh, right, of course” I mumbled more to myself. “Are you still hurt? Did you need me to help you?” My stomach felt like a lead cannon ball, sinking even lower into my body. Of course, he only missed my healing abilities. The vision of the children disappeared in a wave of embarrassment.

“No! I mean to say...no. I’m no hurt right now, but I would like it if ye were to accompany me to the hall for some lunch?” He asked with such eagerness it broke my heart.

Not real, the dream wasn’t real. Think of what you know, don’t let this time, these people influence your heart.

“Of course.” I smiled, but this time it didn’t reach my eyes.

Once in the great hall, Jamie left to gather food. Murtagh slid into Jamie’s seat.

“Dinna tease the lad or get his hopes up.” He murmured gruffly.

“I’m sorry?”

“Jamie. Dinna give the lad false hopes. Ye ken weel the lad is in love wi’ ye, so dinna encourage the feeling if ye willna reciprocate it. He spoke of ye nonstop on our short journey, and he hardly can sleep wi’out knowing ye are safe. I’ve known the lad his entire life and ne’er, no even for family, has he been this protective.”

Murtagh’s hushed whispers took me by surprise. “You think I’m giving him false hope?”

A grunt was all I was graced with from Murtagh. I huffed back and leaned forward to angrily whisper, “I swear to you I am giving him no false hope or false feelings. Everything I have said and done around Jamie is genuine. It is you and he who have been false with me. His name, for one. How do I know that he’s not doing all of this out of pity?”

Murtagh’s eyes widened and went to respond when Jamie returned shoving Murtagh back over one seat. Jamie sat the food down and smiled widely at me.

“So, Mistress Beauchamp,” he said and made my heart flutter. “What’s the news we’ve missed since we’ve been gone? No one has tried to secure your hand, have they?”

My heart quickened. “Umm, no. No one has approached me. Besides I wouldn’t have humored them, or just anyone.”

“Someone else caught your eye, Mistress?”

I nodded. “You could say that.”

I caught Murtagh’s slight nod out of the corner of my eye.

We talked until there was no one left in the hall. From the noon meal all the way through evening, we stayed in the same area, only moving to sit closer to one another by the fire. My skin felt on fire from the nearness to him, the slightest touch sending jolts of electricity through my veins. His smile made my stomach flip and flutter in ways I never knew possible. The longer we talked, the more the visions of the small children...our children...resurfaced and solidified.

I thought I knew love with Frank, but could this be what it truly felt like? Did I love Jamie? Did he love me? Were they all correct? The whispers, the stories, even the smirks on everyone’s faces...could they hold truth?

Without thinking, I rested my head on Jamie’s shoulder, his arm around my waist pulling me closer to him. In this moment, I didn’t care, in this moment, I just wanted to feel this overwhelming feeling of bliss.


	2. Jamie's Side

“What’s eatin’ at you, lad?” Murtagh asked gruffly, while crossing his arms over his chest. “Ye havena sat still the three days we’ve been gone. That eager to get back under both of yer uncles’ grimey thumbs?”

I snorted and shook my head. “No. I’m no’ one for being ordered around, as ye ken well.” Murtagh snorted at this, and I quirked an eyebrow at him, a smirk on my face. “I’m ready to done wi’ this useless task and get back to Mis--” I stopped, cutting off the name I was about to say.

Murtagh smirked. “Mistress Beauchamp, eh lad?”

I could feel the burn of a flush crawl up my chest and neck. I tried to deny it but there was no use. Murtagh shook his head and let out a laugh. 

“Yer just like your Mam and Da. Once they put their mind to something, especially when they decided that they loved someone, they were boots first in deep.”

“I’m no’ in love wi’ her,” I tried to protest, feeling my ears burn at the lie. 

“If yer no in love wi’ her, then I’m Dougal’s nursemaid,” he chuckled, slapping me on the back. “There’s nothing wrong wi’ falling in love wi’ a lass. Ye could do far worse than the clever Mistress Beauchamp. She’ll treat ye right, and love ye as fiercely as she is stubborn.”

“How are you so sure?” I asked, watching the burn ripple around waters that made my heart ache more for Claire’s presence. 

“Because she’s the kind of woman who doesn’t do anything half-hearted. She’s a bonnie healer because she puts her heart into it. She didna ken us from Adam, but she gives her all to making sure we are all fair healed. No injury is left unattended, no matter how benign.

“And from the looks of that grin, ye are proud of her,” Murtagh stated, shoving his shoulder into mine. 

“Aye.” The smile wouldn’t leave my face. “She’s bonnie in more ways than one, Murtagh. I canna understand why she would willingly be here. She has more to offer the world, than to heal a bunch of raggamuffin highlanders.”

“Maybe the lass stays for another reason. Did ye think she may be waiting for ye as ye have been for her?”

An image of Claire flashed before my eyes. Her hair tousled and tangling in the wind as it wrapped around both of our faces, as I pull her into a kiss. Her eyes smiling just as much as her lips. Her body, plump, soft, warm and mine, cuddled against my chest. 

Aye, I could see her as my own. Someone to love and hold, an equal to share the burden of raising a family and the upkeep of Lallybroch. But that could not be. 

“What could I offer her, Murtagh? A life on the run? Not knowing where she’ll sleep from one night to the next, nor where she may fill her belly?” I shook my head, erasing the images of Claire from my minds-eye. “Nay, I willna let her be homeless or a fugitive. She deserves more than a life as a wanted man’s woman.”

“Ye are a fool, James Fraser. A bloody fool,” Murtagh sighed, kicking a rock into the burn. “Come on then,” he called, “I’ve no’ seen the vagabonds Collum wished us to discover, nor have any traveling mercenaries wi’ the Mistress’s belongings come this way. Best we get back to Leoch, unless ye wish to make a run for Lallybroch?”

Climbing astride the beast Old Alec sent me with, I shook my head. “No. Even though she canna be mine, it doesna mean I’ll leave her to the tender care of my uncles. She’ll need more protection than anyone.”

As we rode back towards Leoch, the grumbling rumble of the wind could have been mistaken for Murtagh talking to himself about what an idiot his Godson was if he couldn’t see what was plain as day. 

We rode hard and made it back to Leoch before the noonday meal. I felt my chest begin to release tension I didn’t know that had been there, and my breathing came easier as I set foot on the grounds--a feeling I never expected to have at Leoch. 

“She’s in the herb garden,” Old Alec said as he took the reins from my hand.

“Who is?” I said trying to mask my desperation to find Claire. 

Alec clapped a hand to my shoulder and smirked. “Why Mistress Beauchamp, o’ course.” Hearing her name sent a thrill down my spine and excitement to flutter in my stomach.   
“Dinna be tellin me,” Old Alec continued, “that yer wandering gaze is to find some other lassie?”

I felt the red flush of embarrassment creep up from my chest to the tips of my ears. “I ne’re said I was looking for anyone.” 

“Ach, ye didn’t need to lad! I can see it as clear as crystal I can, and that’s wi’ my bad eye!” Alec chuckled tapping the patch when an eye used to rest. 

I stared off towards the gardens, avoiding Alec’s gaze. I wasn’t ready to admit the feelings I held for Claire outloud. 

“She feels the same as you do, lad,” Alec said softly. “She’s been a right state since ye left.”

I scoffed and shook my head. “I dinna believe that.” 

“Believe what you will, but I’m tellin’ you the truth of the matter. Mistress Beauchamp fancies you, and I dinna ken why.” I felt him shrug and walk away leading the horses to feed and water, leaving me alone to ponder what he said. 

Claire was crouched down in the middle of the herb garden when I finally made up my mind to find her. She didn’t hear me approach, nor did she flinch when laid my hand on her arm. Instead, she did something I did not expect. She covered my hand with her own and squeezed. Only then did she jump up, brushing my hand from her arm while her hand went up to her heart. Did she not know it was me? Or worse, was she expecting the hand to belong to someone else? Her dead husband perhaps? 

My heart felt like it was being torn from my chest with a dull blade. I couldna bear it if she rejected me. 

“Miss me that much?” She laughed, when I mentioned Murtagh’s insistence on me finding her.

“Och, ye ken well I missed ye. I had to have Murtagh fix my wounds while on the road, and he’s no’ as pretty or gentle as yerself,” I teased her back. She was so bonnie with the sun hitting her eyes the way it was; I couldna breathe properly. Maybe I should ask her what would cause the ailment. 

“Are you still hurt? Did you need me to help you?” she asked, worry laced her voice and expression. 

“No!” I yelled, too fast. Clearing my throat I tried again, “I mean to say...no. I’m no’ hurt right now, but I would like it if ye were to accompany me to the hall for some lunch?” 

“Of course,” she replied, her voice losing some of the bounce it had a moment before. 

I smiled and held out an arm, she took it, I felt my body relax at her touch. This is how it’s supposed to be. She needed to know, I had to tell her my name, she needed to know me, no’ just as the stable lad McTavish, but as James Fraser Laird of Lallybroch.

“Wait right here,” I told her when we arrived in the hall, giving her hand a quick squeeze before I rushed to the kitchens for food. 

“Jamie my lad!” Mrs. Fitz’s joyous tones preceded her embrace. “How are ya? You’ll be wanting some food I expect?” 

She had already released me and began to pile a trough of food. My mouth watered as I saw the lump roasted stew and bannocks she piled together. 

“Could ye give me enough for two? Or a second trough?”

Mrs. Fitz whirled around giving me a confused look. “Oh aye, I can, but why will ye be needin it? Murtagh’s already been in and had more than one helping of the supper.”

I stood straighter. “Mistress Beauchamp is joining me for my meal...to help me find out what I’ve missed the last three day.” 

She gave me a knowing look, but didn’t say anything as she grabbed a second helping for Claire. 

“You take care of that one, Jamie Fraser,” Mrs. Fitz whispered as she handed me the food. “I’ll no’ hear of ye breakin her heart. Claire is a good woman and she deserves the best, ye ken?” 

I nodded slowly. “Aye, I ken well. What makes you say that I’ll be breakin’ her heart? Mistress Beauchamp has made no--”

“You ken fine what I mean. The two of ye pine after one another like two separated doves.” 

I began to protest but she cut me off again with a shake of her head. 

“Go, enjoy time with your woman. I expect to hear when the wedding will happen. If I dinna have the pleasure of bein’ there to witness, you best have a damned good reason.” With that she patted my shoulder and began yelling at a serving maid behind me. 

Claire and Murtagh were deep in discussion when I arrived back at the table, Claire looking more angry than I expected, but seemed to dissolve as she noticed me. 

“So, Mistress Beauchamp, what’s the news we’ve missed since we’ve been gone? No one has tried to secure your hand, have they?” I added in a rush. 

“Umm, no. No one has approached me. Besides I wouldn’t have humored them, or just anyone.” My heart beat so fast, I felt as though it were going to burst from my chest. 

“Someone else caught your eye, Mistress?” I asked warily, praying for an answer to soothe my ache. 

“You could say that.” She said while nodding. My heart sank to the bottom of my boots. My breath came short again, and I couldna quell the panic that rose up inside me. 

“Ah, I see. He’s a lucky man,” I said, dejectedly looking down at my food, now shoving it from side to side, no longer hungry. 

“Well, he could be. He doesn’t know I have...affections for him,” she said softly. I chanced a glance up at her face, and she was biting her lower lip, cheeks flaming pink. 

“I see.” I reached out to touch her hand, pulling back just before making contact with her skin. “And do ye ken if he has such affections for ye as well?”

She shrugged, “I don’t know.” She looked me directly in the eye, “I haven’t asked him. What do you think he would say?”

I gaped, and faltered for words momentarily, “I think any man who might be so fortunate to win your affections would gladly reciprocate them in turn.” 

For a moment, I thought nothing else could happen; the world was confined to the small space between Claire and I. 

Murtagh cleared his throat with a gruff noise, breaking the bubble that surrounded us. 

“What real news can ye tell us?” he grunted. Claire flushed and began to regale us with what had happened since we had been gone. 

We sat there talking until well past the evening meal. Mrs. Fitz winked as she brought us fresh whisky to drink and ushered us to a warmer part of the room. Sat in front of the fire, I didna know whether or not putting my arm around Claire was proper or not. Before I had time to think too much on it, she rested her head on my shoulder. I wound my arm around her and pulled her tighter to me, breathing in deep the spicy floral scent that was all my Sassenach. She released a breath and relaxed further into my side. We said nothing, didn’t need to, the silence and each other’s company was preferable for the moment. I turned my head and kissed the top of her head gently, her curls tickling my face. I couldn’t help but smile and pray for the moment to never end. 

“Mistress?” She didn’t stir. “Claire?” I asked slightly louder. She slowly lifted her head up and grinned at me sleepily. 

“Mmm?” She asked, her eyes opening just a crack. 

“I should escort you to your room. You’re falling asleep on my arm, and I think a bed will be much more comfortable than me,” I chuckled at her. 

She stretched like a cat, nodded and staggered to her feet holding out a hand to me. I took it and held on tight, ignoring all of the looks--favorable and not--that were thrown our way. When we reached her door, my heart clenched; I had to say goodbye. 

“Goodnight, Claire,” I whispered as she rested her head on my chest once again, her arms gripping me in an embrace I never wanted to leave. 

Returning the hug, I let one hand wander to her hair and gently tugged loose the brown ribbon that secured her curls. She didn’t even notice as her hair fell about her shoulders, she only sighed and nuzzled deeper into my chest. 

“Come on my sleepy one, into the bed,” I murmured in Gaelic to her while nudging her into the room. 

The moment her head hit the pillow, she was deep in sleep, her chest rising evenly with deep breaths. I smiled, longing to join her, but restrained my urges and left the room. 

My pallet in the stables had never felt so lonely. My plaid wound about myself, I pulled Claire’s ribbon from my sporran and brought it to my lips, tenderly kissing the silky strip and imagining it to be what Claire’s lips felt like. Breathing deep, I could smell her scent over the horses and straw. That aroma alone relaxed my body and I fell into a deep sleep, smiling while my dreams were filled with the squeals of children calling for their Da and Claire’s laughter.


End file.
